A short story I wrote please comment on it

My mind raced and thought deeply. A cooling zephyr brushed my hair like a mother, but I had never known my mother's love for me as she spent her time in and out of jail. Lost in another world. I promised never to follow her when I found out the truth. At sixteen, month before my O' levels, however I could end my miserable life like she did.
I knew the consequences, after being preached by my teachers and father almost daily. My father though not a drug addict, was as unloving as my mom. My good grades came from my friends and the results only showed my father I was not as talented as some geniuses in class.
Here however, my chance of one life time stood before me like a phantom of miracles. That little round pill worth just an hour of calm. I took it from John as we walked out of the alley and I pocketed the pill to save it until my father's tirade of me staying out late again.
True to my predictions, my father scolded me harshly and rained blows with such strength that I did not understand how such a frail person could produce. That was the last straw, if he hated me that much then he wouldn't be hurt if I lost myself: but I knew better.
Against everything I had learnt, I rushed down to a secluded lane and downed the pill with a swig of beer with John. My heart almost bursting with the need to stop it all but it rested at supreme indulgence seconds later.
After the raging inferno of emotions building up inside my soul, I felt the peace with my pill. I laughed to see the moon and doggedly smiled and connected with the tips of the universe. The happiness spread all over me and I knew at last why my mother had resorted to this. Even though I didn't know the wonders of the garden of Eden, mysteriously I knew it felt like this.
I shivered and my teeth chattered. What was happening? I had read about the cold turkey treatment but I had only took it once. Then the realisation swooshed over me, it said that you would be hooked on no matter how many times. There was a back-up pill in my bag and I was overcome by the lust of the dreaded yet miraculous pill.
Over the next few weeks I willed. My father noticed nothing as I often gave him the cold shoulder. My mom was in jail for drink driving. I stole in total 5 of the latest hand phones with such skill that I was never caught. Even though I had emptied my life savings I could not cope with the demands my body gave me. Like my other "friends" such as John, we "chased the dragon". Supplies were low and prices shot up. To raise the money, I took more and more things worth higher values. I was in the pill's excellent moods when the exams were on.
As expected I failed. My father questioned me repeatedly about my marks. Why couldn't I get at least an A? Why did I fail for all my subjects? I was reluctant to tell him even though I yearned to. Was I really that willing to let all my happiness ebb away like that? After all my true friends did to me by giving me the pill. I was lost and hid in my room in spite of my father's screams of protest.
I sank slowly to the ground, my head against the cooling surface of the mirror. Why did I feel this way? My noisy temptation monsters distracted me and I could hear faintly the shrill voice of my true self. I felt so because I still knew I was doing wrong. True, I had fallen into the dark chasm of my own greediness but I could still see light and hope. My brain worked hard to think properly and I was exhausted. My monsters guarded my true voice well that night and instead of making the return to the light, I was as stubborn as a mule and plodded on with my dreary existence with the pill.
Finding one's room guarded by two narcotics officers was not the best of situations. That was what I saw after coming back after yet another night of drinking and inhalants. I had no more resistance inside me and for the first time in weeks, when I saw my reflection, I saw a pale and ashen faced boy. Not the musculine hero I was with the pill. I had chosen this route and I will endeavour to come back to my senses.
" Jason."
I turned and saw my father. He had found out the truth and I was grateful and for once I could feel the love he felt for me through all his turbulant moods when my mother changed. Slowly and with my heart over filling with the knowledge of how much he cared and suffered becaused he loved me as his son out of his five children.
"Dad, I love you."
My voice cracked and I could not say my regrets and was sorry that I had never even acknowledged him as my father. A bond had connected between us and the officers smiled to see me accept my fate and I told them truthfully all that I knew, and went through the harsh treatment better than others because I knew that I was surrounded by love that had been always there. My mind had simply refused to believe it.
Now as a man, I have a tarnished reputation but amazingly, my school accepted me. Many job interviews turned out to be unsuccesful but the ones whom I love encouraged me with every waking day and I am touched by what they did. They know it and that is all that matters.